Why do brides buy their wedding gowns and grooms rent their wedding suits?
A happy wife sometimes has the best husband but more often makes the best of the husband she has.
God is the only third party in marriage that can make it work.
Many women don’t care if a man has money as long as his credit is good.
Marriage is an expensive way for a girl to get free rent.
Marriage would work out better if the couple operated on a thrifty-thrifty basis.
Some women spend more time in selecting their wedding gown than they do in selecting a husband.
There’s one word for a man who marries a rich woman—smart.
Some marry for beauty—others for booty.
Honeymoons are apt to set like the other moon.
Choose a wife rather by your ear than by your eye.
It is a sorry house where the hen crows and the cock is silent.
Some say singleness is bliss and marriage is a blister.
The sea of matrimony is filled with hardships.
It takes two to make a marriage—a single girl and an anxious mother.
Never be yoked to one who refuses to be yoked to Christ.
Plenty of music will keep the husband home, provided it isn’t chin music.
Some husbands lay down the law and then accept their wife’s amendments.
Some men are born meek; the others get married.
When a girl marries a man to mend his ways, she is apt to find that he isn’t worth a darn.
Love at first sight never happens before breakfast.
Marriage can be the bloom or blight of happiness.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterward.
Never speak loudly to each other unless the house is on fire.
A good marriage is like a casserole—only those responsible for it really knows what goes into it.
A guaranteed way to keep your wife happy—let her think she’s having her own way, then let her have it.
Nothing makes a marriage rust like distrust.
If you think it’s possible to love your wife too much, you probably haven’t loved her enough.
Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.
A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.
In the area of love, an engagement is an urge on the verge to merge.
Marriage is either a holy wedlock or an unholy deadlock.
There would be fewer divorces if the husband tried as hard to keep his wife as he did to get her.
Success in marriage is more than finding the right person; it is the matter of being the right person.
Some women work so hard to make good husbands that they never manage to make good wives.
Don’t go around with someone else’s wife unless you plan to go several rounds with her husband.
Man to marriage counselor: “She went from hard-to-get to hard-to-handle to hard-to-take.”
Courtship is that time during which the female decides whether or not she can do any better.
Henpecked husbands soon learn that he who hesitates is bossed.
The test of a marriage comes after the billing and cooing—when there are too many bills and not enough coos.
The marriage broke up because of illness in the family—they got sick of each other.
Of all remedies, a good wife is the best.
A groom is one who has underestimated the power of a woman.
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.
In the word wedding, the we comes before the I.
She’s two-thirds married—she’s willing and so is her mother.
A honeymoon is a thrill of a wife’s time.
Single people die earlier; marriage is a slow death.
Before criticizing your wife’s faults, remember that they may have prevented her from getting a better husband.
Many a flare-up between a man and his wife has been caused by an old flame.
When a wife runs her fingers through her husband’s hair, he should be careful—she may be after his scalp.
I always have the last word with my wife, even if I have to go into another room to say it.
The wife who nags much may have a husband who horses around.
Some men marry poor girls to settle down; others marry rich ones to settle up.
If you do housework for fifty dollars a week, that’s domestic service—if you do it for nothing, that’s matrimony.
Some husbands are real comforters while others are just wet blankets.
Courtship makes a man spoon, but it’s matrimony that makes him fork over.
Marriage is like two people riding a horse—one must ride behind.
A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff in the world.
A bridegroom is a guy who has lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
A woman likes a strong, silent man because she thinks he is listening.
Every man needs a wife because there are some things that go wrong he can’t blame on the government.
The attorney’s young bride bought a sewing machine. She thought she might help her husband to make loopholes.
A husband is a man who expects his wife to be perfect and to understand why he isn’t.
The wife who henpecks her husband is likely to find him listening to some other chick.
Divorce is the hash made from domestic scraps.
Because many couples “harp at each other,” does this mean their marriage was made in heaven?
Why do parents cry at their daughter’s wedding? The expense.
The ship of matrimony will move more smoothly if the wife stays away from the sails.
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
Wedding: a ceremony at which a man loses complete control of himself.
A man needs a woman to take care of him so she can make him strong enough for her to lean on.
Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
Sometimes you can’t tell if a man is trying so hard to be a success to please his wife or to spite his mother-in-law.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure that either the car or the wife is new.
Don’t marry for money—you can borrow it cheaper.
Marriage is great—no family should be without it.
The trouble with marriage is that a fellow can’t support a wife and the government on one inccome.
An optimist is a single man contemplating marriage; a pessimist is a married person contemplating it.
Sometimes absence makes the heart wander.
A young man prayed: “Lord, give me a wife that love Thee—for then I know she will love me.”
Some women marry for money, then divorce for love.
When Adam’s son asked why they didn’t live in the Garden of Eden, he answered, “Your mother ate us out of house and home.”
One thing about early marriages is they shorten the generation gap.
If you marry a child of the devil, you will have trouble with your father-in-law.
The honeymoon is over when the groom looks into the paper instead of into the bride’s eyes.
A marriage is a success when they live happily ever after.
Ambitious wife: The power behind the drone.
In some marriages most troubles are relative.
The sea of matrimony can become rough if the young lady is tied to the wrong buoy.
Most matrimonial problems are caused by the marriage of two people who are in love with themselves.
Marriages can be made in heaven, but man is responsible for the maintenance work.
Some girls are like baseball players—always trying to turn a single into a double.
Marriage is mutual partnership if both parties know when to be mute.
Marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
A wise monkey will not monkey with another monkey’s monkey.
A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.
A good wife is God’s smile from heaven.
Wedlock should be a padlock.
A successful marriage is the result of falling in love often—with the same person.
A good salesman is the fellow who can convince his wife she look fat in a fur coat.
Husband and wife agreement—the wife stops driving from the backseat and the husband quits cooking from the dining table.
Love is the glue that cements friendships; jealousy keeps it from sticking.
Something every couple should save for their old age—their marriage.
Too many marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
Marriage is the most expensive way to get your laundry done.
Advice to girls—never play ball with a man unless he furnishes the diamond.
Marriage is like an army—everybody complains, but look at the guys who reenlist.
When a man marries a woman, they become one—the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
A wife knows how to keep a husband guessing—by saying something and saying nothing.
Husband to wife: “Stick to your washing, ironing, cooking, and scrubbing. No wife of mine is going to work.”
It is an unhappy nation in which marriage certificates are issued like bus transfers.
A successful marriage is built on trust—and an occasional compliment.
A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
Many of those who embark upon the sea of matrimony know little about navigation.
Marriages are like diets—they can be ruined by having a little dish on the side.
The thing that married men will never understand is why all bachelors aren’t rich.
The bonds of matrimony are good investments only when the interest is kept up.
Men never realize how short a month is until they pay the alimony.
Judging from some of the specimens they pick for husbands, no wonder brides blush.
Many husbands are second-story men—their wives seldom believe the first one.
Marriage is educational—there’s no surer way of learning about your faults.
Many girls marry men just like their fathers; then people wonder why their mothers cry at the wedding.
A man should give his wife a hand around the house, but most wives are not satisfied with the applause.
Marriage is an investment that pays dividends, if you pay interest.
If more husbands would be self-starters, their wives wouldn’t have to be cranks.
A happy marriage is when a couple is as deeply in love as they are in debt.
On anniversaries the wise husband will always forget the past—but not the present.
To have a successful marriage—whenever you are wrong, admit it; when you are right, keep your mouth shut.
My husband’s retirement cured his ulcer but gave me one.
Troubles in marriage often start when a man is so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she’ll never grow into an old nag.
A honeymoon is the vacation a man takes before going to work for a new boss.
It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can.
A career girl is one who would rather bring home the bacon than fry it.
The marriage knot should be tied tight enough to prevent easy loosening but not tight enough to feel like a noose.
In the final analysis, what a sensible woman looks for in a man is fiscal fitness.
No matter how lovesick you may be, don’t take the first pill that comes along.
Strange, but it seems to be true: charm is a woman’s strength, while strength is a man’s charm.
All girls should learn how to fix household appliance. Most of them will probably get married.
They were married in a garage—she’s (he’s) been trying to back out ever since.
Every chap with money to burn will meet his match.
The world’s greatest bargain—a happy marriage.
Having a maid today does not mean status—it means a full-time working wife.
Love is a game two can play and both can win.
The moon affects the tide—also the untied.
Many marriages crack up when the installment collector cracks down.
They never knew what true happiness was until they were married—then it was too late.
The honeymoon is over when he takes her off a pedestal and puts her on a budget.
If you want to kill your wife with curiosity, simply clip a brief item before you hand her the day’s newspaper.
